Assamese Short story " AMRITYU AMRIT "

Short story
Amrityu Amrit

Sibananda Kakoti


The truck stopped in the distance after crossing the bridge. Even though from afar, the flickering lights extending to quite a distance on either side of the bridge on the National Highway, looked like two rows of lamps lit for Deepavali, when one comes closer one can make out the kerosene-filled foggy atmosphere. With each lamp, in various ?-vessels were to be found different kinds of fish. Each of those fishermen waiting for customers in two rows along the National Highway, had a few companions with them. Maybe a brother or a son, or perhaps a fellow fisherman or his assistant. Whenever they saw the headlight of an approaching car, the companions get ready, and a competition would start -- whoever could attract the attention of the passengers in the cars by dangling the fish against the light, was going to have the car stopping by him. Then if one could bargain and haggle and sell the fish, their work for the evening was done. It was not as if fishing was the only occupation of the people of that area, most people had a few bighas of land, but many of those who did not have enough for the whole year from working on the fields would, in the evening after finishing their work on the field, would lay a fishing net in a river or a pond. And with the fish they trap in the net come to sit at one or the other end of the bridge along the road. With the money they earn from selling fish, the daily expenses of the house are taken care of. Of course when there is no more paddy in the barn, then the whole family has to survive only on their fish-earnings.

The truck that went and stopped in the distance could not generate any enthusiasm or attract the attention of the fish-sellers. Normally these truckers never buy fish. And when they buy, they waste a lot of time in haggling and bargaining. Of course since it was getting late in the evening, the number of fish-sellers had also decreased. A few of them had got down to the shallow water and were rinsing their vessels. Only those who had not been able to sell any fish at all till then were still sitting in their own places.

Everyone noticed that a young boy got off the truck and was coming towards them. There was a small bag hanging on his shoulder. Although they could not make out at first, as he came closer in the light of the lamps they could recognise the boy.

“Is this not out Amrit?” everyone thought in their minds. At this time, casting a look over all the fishermen, he greeted the one next to him and asked, “Dedai, has my father not come here today?”
The man jumped up on his seat and stood up, shocked. What should he say, how should he say it, not being able to decide this, he tried to control himself. Trying to sound normal he said:
“Looks as if your father has not come here today. He was here yesterday. It seems he is not feeling too well.”
Amrit turned and started to walk back. After going a little distance he turned back and asked his Dedai.
“Can one go through the fields, Dedai?”
“You could go through the fields, but the rains of yesterday have filled the fields very deeply.” Although Ratneswar spoke these words with an almost normal voice, it looked as if he was being too vague. He said again,
“How will you go through the fields so late in the night. You have come after such a long while, you will not be able to fathom your way through the water.”
Without giving a reply, he started walking along the road. Amrit began to think, has he been away from the village for so long that he will not be able to make out his way through the fields? Four years is actually not a long time. He had returned today to his village that he had left suddenly four years ago. For a long time he kept on walking. Suddenly he had the feeling that although he was walking alone, there were many others who were accompanying him. The sound of the rain-water on both banks, the sound of the ?, the splashing movements of the fish in the water, the moon that was trying to pierce and shine through the clouds in the sky – he was immersed in the incredulity of the atmosphere. He had seen many Hills, forests, fields, and a lot of mud and water in the last four years. He has overcome much. But it was as if today this atmosphere was intensely personal, intensely his own. It was as if he was organically connected to this road, the water, the mud, the fields, the sounds of the birds at night,… the whole surrounding was making him restless. He seems to find peace after a few long breadths. For some time he sat down on the pile of stones that the PWD had left on the side of the road.

Although it was not too late in the night, by the time he entered the village he had the feeling that it was past midnight. Except for one of two lamps flickering in a few houses, the rest were all asleep. Those were days for working in the fields. After working the whole day in the fields, the whole family goes to sleep early after having dinner. Early the next morning, they would have to go again to the fields. So the village looked ? now. He felt he was entering a known but empty world on entering the village. As if he had already entered home. The village looked much the same. Almost the same. There was no visible signs of change in these last four years. Amrit thought, how long is four years? After walking on for a bit he thought again, four years is not too short for things to change. He came close to the deka -chang where he and his friends used to spend much of their evenings chatting. That chang looked almost as it was. His mind was filled with the memories of his entire childhood and youth which was associated with that chang. Whenever he has a chance, he always feels proud of this chang in this village. It was not just a place for the village young boys to discuss their sexual urges or the gossip of the nearby families. This chang was like an open stage. At various times, with various people, on this chang is discussed politics of the village and of the country, the news of the nation, intimate contacts, contexts of the time, the monsoons, the buffalo fight at Magh Bihu, the robab tengas of winter, pesticides for the fields, the love of Basanti and Moneswar, Bubul’s exams or Rongai’s disease in the neck and many others. After going a little distance, after crossing a few houses, he noticed another chang. This was the first change he saw, another deka chang. That means there are many young boys in the village in the meanwhile. Too many for one chang. Amrit also had a few doubts – was it that the number of young men was growing or was it that everybody was no longer able to sit at one chang. Still changs were very dear to him. He felt like sitting once in that chang, with had so much to do with his personal and intellectual mental development. No, let it be now, it is already very late. There will be enough time later. now that he ahs returned finally back to his village.

After reaching the approach to their house he observed that their house was completely silent. He went in, pushed the door a couple of times and called out naturally, “Father, Father, Are you already asleep?” Not hearing anybody stirring he called out again after a while, “Moina, Moina, Father, are you all asleep?” No being able to figure out what was happening he went by the side of the house to the back. A little away, near the well, there was Moina, washing the dishes scooping out water from a pail. Near him a weakly glowing earthen lamp. He felt bad. When he had left home, his brother Moina was only six or seven years old, now he was ten or eleven. Their mother had died when they were both young. Their father had worked hard all these years and brought up his two sons. Their father Dinanath, spoke very little, almost not at all, only he kept doing his daily tasks systematically, properly. After their mother dies, many of their relatives had put pressure on him to marry again. Their father was young enough to be able to marry again. But for some reason their scanty-worded father did not marry again. And till today did everything for the two boys himself. To talk of sons, the eldest son Amrit was not there these last 4 years. After passing his Higher Secondary exam and getting admitted to the BA classes, he suddenly disappeared one day, and did not come back. The villagers, their father, Moina everyone had expected a lot from Amrit who had done so well in his exams. But once he went, there was no more news of him. Today, after so much time, he has suddenly returned, to his own home. With the flickering lamp next to him, murmuring or reciting something, Moina was washing the dishes. Amrit went forward and stood behind his brother. How to call him. If he sees him suddenly he might be so shocked that he could start screaming. Moina was singing a little prayer song from school, while washing the dishes. He could understand why Moina was singing that song. Giving the example of Mahatma Gandhi their mother had told them to sing prayers in the evening or night when they were afraid – one got strength that way. Moina was immersed in that song while washing that Amrit did not feel like disturbing him. Just then while getting up to draw some water from the well, Moina saw Amrit. Immediately Amrit said to him,
“Moina, don’t be afraid, it is me, me…”
Holding the pail in his hand, Moina kept staring at Amrit for some time, without responding.
“Is it not you elder brother?” full of incredulity, Moina said inside his mouth.
“Yes, it is me.”
Again Moina stood at the side of the well, staring at Moina for some more time. Then suddenly, he asked a very surprising question to Amrit.
“Have you had dinner, brother?”
Amrit was surely surprised. Even the question was irrelevant at this moment, still from the big question Amrit could figure out that Moina had really grown up. Not only grown up, having to manage the household alone with his father, Moina had also become experienced.

They had not yet put water over the left-over rice. On days when one had to go to plough the fields, it was almost a rule in most houses to cook more at one go the previous night and put water over the excess rice. The next day, one took that rice along with chillies, onions, ginger or black lentils as a snack. After keeping a little rice to put water over, Moina served Amrit the remaining rice. While eating, Amrit asked,
I heard Father is unwell, will he be able to go to the fields tomorrow?
If he doesn’t go, who will go? How did you find out?
Near the bridge.
He is not so ill that he cannot go to the fields. He went to bed a little while ago.
Amrit and Moina went to sleep on the same shack. Moina well asleep after a little while. Amrit however was not able to sleep. One could make out that there was sparkling moonlight outside even while being in. Amrit looked at Moina’s face… The poor boy had fallen asleep in exhaustion. He suddenly remembered the words of Ratneswar dedai. After getting off from the truck near the bridge he had asked Ratneswar dedai about his father. But why did his dedai shoot up into standing position from his sitting position the moment he recognised him? Why did he reply to his questions with an excessively polite tone mixed in fear and doubt? The other people in the village also recognised him. Why did they not ask him, Is it not our Bormoina? Is this not the elder son of our Dina?” But nobody asked him anything. On the other hand, along with Ratneswar dedai all of them had stopped trying to sell their fish but had all stood up and were all looking at him, with fear and trepidation. In his restlessness he felt unhappy. He looked at Moina’s face. The tired Moina was probably fast asleep. Moina, who had grown up holding on to his fingers, the Moina who always used to be with him, was so grown up today that he could serve and give him his dinner. He felt a wave of love for Moina. And then he remembered, after seeing him after such a long time, what a strange and surprising question Moina had asked him, “Brother, have you had your dinner?” By reason and context, many other questions should have been the first question. But why did this last question turn into Moina’s first question. Amrit could not wait any longer, he gently touched Moina’s body and called out, “Moina, Moina, are you asleep?”
Moina was half awake. With closed eyes he replied:
“Yes, what happened?” and after a while continued, “Are you not able to sleep?”
“No, but tell me one thing, why did you first of all ask me whether I had eaten or not?”
“Why?”
“You could have also asked me many other questions first?”
“No, just like that. I asked just like that,” Moina who was facing upwards but still had his eyes closed, replied.
“It can never be just like that. You have become very big these days. I know, Moina, you surely asked that question after having thought of something.”
Moina did not reply, just changed sides and keep quiet for a while. After that he began to speak in a grave voice:
“I thought that you would quickly go away somewhere again. That is why I thought that at least you should hurriedly have some food before you leave again.”
Something hammered at Amrit’s chest. For some time he kept lying still like his brother, then turned to face him. Then after lying on his side for a while, he touched his brother who was facing away from him and asked,
“Moina, where did you think I would go?”
“I don’t know. Did you tell us where you were going before you disappeared? You could have told father, at least.”
Amrit understands their sorrow. Without answering, he kept his hand over Moina and kept quiet. Moina was also still. After a while, he pulled into his chest with great force Moina’s back as if to pull Moina’s entire body into his chest, then put his mouth very close to Moina’s ears and told him slowly yet very clearly:
“Moina, I will not go away again. From now on, I will stay here with you all. Forever.”

* * *

While ploughing his field, only one worry completely engrossed Dinanath. In the morning, when they were letting the cows out for the day, Moina had told him the news of Bormoina’s arrival. but it seems he has come back for good. After having shattered many personal hopes and dreams of Dinanath, he has been away for quite a few years. But now, will he be able to live like he did before? “My son will stay with me and help me,” even thinking of that Dinanath stopped startled. No, Dinanath does not want to hope for anything anymore. He can only tell himself, what is destined to happen, will happen. Just then, ploughing in the adjacent field, Sarukon asked him with a shout,
“Is it true, brother, that Bormoina has returned?’
“Yes,” Dinanath replied gravely.
Dinanath was usually very reserved. When he replied in this very grave tone, Sarukon did not have the nerve to discuss the matter further. As the morning progressed, the fields got filled with farmers and ploughmen. To put mud on the earth, plant saplings, to remove the rubbish from the mud, to carry the saplings, or to carry food for the people working on the fields, the field got filled with various people doing different jobs. The news did not take long to spread. In different places, among different groups, there was only discussion about Bormoina. he must be now a strapping young man – the old lady said almost involuntarily. Just then, Champa, who was planting paddy in the nearby plot shouted out:
“Look, there he is, walking along the little path, taking food to his father.”
All eyes stopped at Bormoina. Slowly Amrit approached his father. He left the bundle with the food on the path and looked towards his father. Then he called out once to his father, “Father,” his father did not respond. His father had seen him for the first time when he had stopped on the path. For the first time after many years. His father looked at Amrit’s whole body. Finishing one complete round with the plough, he stopped his cows, and washed his hands with the water in the fields. And started to eat his snack. Amrit could understand why his father had not spoken to him properly. He could fully appreciate the value and place of the accumulated indignation and hurt of such a long time of his father towards his son.
“Are you feeling better, father?” Amrit wanted to talk to his father.
His father answered only with a nod. Amrit understood that his father had replied in this manner only so that he did not have to speak. Because by just looking at his father’s shattered body, he could guess the condition of his health. He looked at his father, who was eating his snack. Without facing him, his father was quietly eating his meal. After staying for a while like that, he went forward towards the cows and touched the plough. “Come on, move,” on saying that the cows began to move in their specified tracks in the muddy water. Although he was out of practice by many years, since it was an old habit, he had no difficulty in carrying on ploughing again.

After finishing his meal, Dinanath kept sitting on the path for some time. He took a good look at his son who was ploughing as he alternately came closer and receded further. Although his health did not look very good, he still had become a young man. And fit. The radiance of youth seemed to glow all around his body in the morning sun. His hold on the furrow, and the firm step on the muddy water – Dinanath did not continue to look. He wiped his mouth with both hands, got up, and without saying a word, took back the plough from his son.

Without speaking, Dinanath made the cows start up again. Till the cows had completed two rounds around the field, Amrit stood there in the same position, in the middle of the field. It seemed as if he was not able to figure out with what eh should try to begin a conversation again with his father. Still, once when his father came close to him, Amrit spoke out, very naturally, “ Father, I have come back.”
Not answering his father kept going, chasing the pair of cows. Amrit waited as he was. After a while his father came and stopped the cows just near Amrit, After dipping his whip in the mud, he looked at Amrit and said,
“Will you be able to stay here, forever? Think about that…”

* * *

Wading through the water in the paddy fields, he reached the path for the cows. His fathers kept ringing in Amrit’s ears. He thought about it again. Really, will he be able to live here forever? Yes, it is true that he has spent many days and nights in the indecisiveness of great fear and hesitation towards the end. For many reasons, this inability to arrive at a decision had cramped all his powers. Amrit also knows this well that the present situation might not be without danger for him in some situations. oh, he stopped after thinking about it for a while. What is the point of thinking so much? He tried to get rid of all unpleasant thoughts by just shaking his head. In front of him a free atmosphere – village, fields, fish, mud, people, father, Moina, in contact with all these, begins a new ? day for Amrit. He stopped for a while under the banyan tree. In the light of the rising sun, the vast open fields look even more open. And scattered across the entire fields are the groups of people working on the fields. He was suddenly reminded of Niru. Niru! Niru is still the same. Without saying anything, without coming to any decision, without making any complaints. He had seen Niru planting paddy when he had taken food for his father. Niru also saw him. Amrit had stopped briefly. For a while Niru had stopped her work and had stared at him, very emotionally. After that, she began to plant her saplings again, in the same unaccusing manner. He cannot ask anyone why Niru is not married yet, why she is waiting, and for whom she is waiting. Even Niru.

On his way to school Ghanashyam Master passed by his side. He called out suddenly, “Uncle?” A little flustered, Ghanashyam got down from his bicycle:
“O this is our Amrit.”
“Yes, are you going to school?”
“ Yes, gosh I am actually late, let me rush.”
Ghanashyam Master quickly got onto his bicycle and hurried away. He stood there and kept looking after Ghanashyam for a while. Till he was out of sight, Ghanashyam did not look back even once.

* * *

Although he had got over to some extent the uneasiness of the first few days it seemed that in almost every situation his presence made things so strange and unnatural that Amrit was beginning to find it unbearable at times. The hidden memories of the past begin to bother him again. Sometimes Amrit feels that in this whole atmosphere he is the undesirable object. These days he has been roaming here and there in the village. Although he has not been able to go from one house to another as he used to in the olden days, he has tried very hard from his side to bring back the intimacy and the easy atmosphere. He understands that it will take a long time to go from one situation to the other. Still this last month his presence has still remained a subject of unrest and uneasiness. Wherever he went it was as if the atmosphere became grave suddenly. A sort of unnatural artificiality descended on the young men sitting on a chang when he happened to pass by, although a moment ago there were happily laughing or seriously discussing the present situation in the country. The little fights and quarrels going on in the Namghar would come to an end instantly as Amrit appeared at the doorway. Amrit tries very hard to ease the situation, he tries to participate in everything, as was his old habit. But now the whole matter is somewhat different. Now when Amrit speaks, the others only listen. But when he wants to listen, almost nobody ever speaks up. And the few who speak do so maintaining an unnatural restraint and a safe distance. He finds it difficult. He would like to argue about certain topics, which they used to do always before. But now everybody seems to agree to whatever he said. He went to a nearby college recently looking for admission forms. Although the last date for submitting the forms was already over, many of the officers including the Principal reassured him with great eagerness and respect that his form would be accepted and that he should not worry.

Still he had begun to carry out his day-to day activities in a way that was in tune with the rest of the village. As his father’s illness had got worse, he had also had to go to plough the fields a few times. When they saw him in the field, the other farmers and field hands would stop singing whatever they were singing – naams, bihu-songs, bongeets or simply verses from the Ghosa. Although he was hurt by this, he still did not give up his efforts to merge with the main flow. In this situation, except for his little brother Moina, he ahs not been able to relax and chat with any one else so far. Only Moina seems to understand him somewhat. Moina was the only shelter for Amrit’s doubts, fears, loneliness and isolation.

He does not have much conversation with his father. After working the whole day in the fields, after eating and resting a little while in the afternoon, the father would go out again with his fishing net in the evening. Over and above helping out in the fields he also goes to help his father fish sometimes. But his reserved father, remained reserved. Except for a few rare words, he preferred to remain silent most of the time. Sometimes Amrit also finds it hard to understand what the matter is. Seeing his father’s grave face he cannot imagine what is really going on in his father’s mind. Sometimes he feels that it is a massive amount of hurt pride and resentment that is accumulated in his father’s mind towards him. Or that his father knows everything about him or nothing at all but has no desire to find out. Still, although he does not speak he can see for sure that his father is not indifferent. He understand that although he keeps quiet, his father is immersed in deep thought.

He understood the matter a little better when one day, a rather big fish got caught in their net. After laying down the net, father and son were slowly tugging from either end of the net. He could make out from the tautness of the net and told Amrit in a low voice, “the fish could be rather big. Hold on tight.” After ten minutes of concentrated tugging, when they finally managed to heave the net up, they could see that there was a huge fish in the net. As soon as it landed on land the fish started to wriggle and struggle to get away. In the time it took them to fold in the net, the fish began to jump from one place to another. Amrit watched his father very closely as he brought this big procedure to an end, even without uttering a single word. He was also observing the movements of the fish and his desperate attempt to break free, and also saw his father single-mindedly making his way closer and closer to the fish and how he caught it with one hand and tried to get it out of the net with the other. Amrit also tried to help his father untangle the net from the fish’s body. This time he father just held on to the fish’s head so that it could not move any more. Amrit kept removing the net from the fish. After a little while the fish was free from the net. Immediately the fish made such a huge swish with his tail that his father was unable to hold on to the fish and the fish fell out. But the experienced hands of this father caught hold of the fish instantly again and this time pressed the fish’s body against the ground. This time the fish could not wriggle out. It began to move, swishing its tail this way and that. After silently watching the fish’s desperate but futile attempts to free itself, Amrit involuntarily cried out, “Ishhh!”

His father looked up at Amrit. Amrit and his father’s eyes met. After so many days it was as if only now did the father see his son properly. Putting a string around the fish’s mouth and tying the ends, Amrit’s father said, “ When I see the fish struggle, even I feel bad these days.” Amrit did not reply. His father started again, “the fish do not who, who is killing them and why. They are just getting trapped in the nets and dying. We people also have become like these fretting fish in these last years – who is killing, why and for what are they killing, when they are killing, we also do not know. We are only dying.”

Amrit gave no reply to his father’s words.

* * *

Before it was even dawn there was a big confusion in the village. The cows which were going to be let out to graze remained as they were, the housewives had only begun to sweet their courtyards with their brooms when the news spread with lightning speed across the whole village. The sounds of whistles filled all directions of the village. From all sides, the police and the military had surrounded the village. Terrified and worried, all the men and women, boys and girls, old and sick, young men and women, everyone came out to the main street of the village. Saying “Hai, chalo, chalo, sab lok chalo, field me chalo,” and whistling furiously they were getting everyone to leave their houses and move towards the school field. From the other end, the old gaobura came almost running. He ahs tried to explain to the people as he came – “This is the government rule, it seems there is some terrorist young man in his area.
They will inspect everyone carefully and then let them go. Don’t worry, they have spoken to me.” The old gaobura kept repeating the same lines over and over again and the people kept moving towards the school field.

Keeping the old men, ladies and little children on one side, they made all the others stand in rows in the school field. The field was surrounded in all sides by armed police and military. Despite the assurance from the gaobura, everyone was terrified. Among the rows of people there was an unnatural stillness. No body had a word on their lips. In the middle of one such row are standing Amrit and Moina, still. Moina was holding on to one finger of Amrit’s hand. Amrit indifferent, Moina curious. A little while later a new Police Maruti van came and stopped at one end of the field. An officer like person spoke into the mike attached to the vehicle as if making an announcement:
“We are sorry to bother you like this. Once we have identified the persons we are looking for in your midst, the rest of you all will be able to get back to your usual routine.” the man repeated the same words one more time. Immediately, from the rear door of the van, two armed guards kicked out two young men who had their eyes and their hands tied. They made them stand at attention, removed the strip from their eyes, and ordered them in a harsh voice, “Look, are they in this lot?” Saying this they asked the two young men to go by the rows of men. The two youths started walking slowly along the rows, along with them two uniformed guards and the police and the army personnel surrounding the field. After a little while their circumbulation came to an end. Meaning that there is no one they know here. They were blindfolded again and raised into the vehicle. One after the other, all the cars disappeared swiftly.

Amrit and Moina neither of them have been able to speak. It was as if both of them were analysing the incident, in their own ways. The people were beginning to go back in groups, either to the fields or back home. Slowly and lazily, Amrit and Moina was also returning. Suddenly Moina asked Amrit, “Elder brother, do you know the boys?”
“No, of course not.”
“Do they know you?”
“Why should they know me?”
After waiting a while, Moina said again,
“No, you must know them.”

* * *

It did not take long for the news to spread from one village to another. Some newspaper people also came to have a look at the area. It seems some dangerous terrorist was hiding in some village in this area. The police and military are looking for him. There has been a search in one or two neighbouring villages.

Despite this whole sequence of events, Amrit is trying to continue to live like usual. He has not given up his efforts to somehow get accepted back into his world. As his father’s illness had worsened, he had also had to take a bigger share of his father’s work.

The land had been planted but Amrit was faced with another problem. The paddy in the barn was almost finished. His father had not been able to go fishing properly, because of his illness. If they did not catch a big fish in the coming days and could sell it for a good price, it was almost certain that they would have to beg for money from someone. These days, his father had almost not been able to get up from his bed. Although they had brought him medicines from the nearby government dispensary, he was not getting better. Moina and Amrit had got terribly worried with this problem. Although Amrit was trying to fight the situation with a strange calm and balance, sometimes he felt emotionally and mentally very weak. It was not just the people from his own village, it was as if the people from the entire area were pointing a finger towards him. It was as if on everyone’s faces were written the allegation, “Just for you we are all having to suffer.” And what was the situation. Was it just that the police and the military came to the village? The biggest impact of this suffocating atmosphere pervading the entire region was felt in the evening fish-market near the bridge – that was the biggest problem. First nobody had noticed it. They did not think it was something serious as even earlier some fish would remain unsold at the end of the day. But slowly more and more fish began to get stale. They had to take the fish the next morning to the neighbouring town or market. “The cars do not stop any more at night. Not only do they not stop, when they come close to the bridge, they go by with much greater speed. Now, slowly everyone was beginning to understand why this was happening – but nobody says anything openly, or cannot say anything openly. Still the people are going fishing, and are sitting close to the bridge, with the hope of being able to sell their fish and the worry of the fish going stale.

According to Moina, is they could catch one big fish then their problems would be solved for at least a few days. They had started the second part of the maths text in school. They would be able to buy that, their father’s medicines and rice for a few days. Since their father has been unable to go every evening. Moina and Amrit take the net and go fishing. Every day Moina has the same hope – one big fish. Although they have fished every day without a break, the inexperienced Amrit has not been able to be successful. He is saddened by Moina and Moina’s expectations. Contrary to Moina’s great expectations, the frustrations of the day’s failures seem to weigh him down. In the evening while returning, Moina does not talk about fish any more. Next day they go out again with the net.

Very slowly Amrit started the pull the net. With a low voice he called out to Moina, “Come, fast”. Moina came close to Amrit disturbing the water as little as he could. His face was lit up with hope. No sound from anyone. Judging from the pull of the net they thought – that must be a big fish. Slowly, with great care, they raised the net to the bank. Moina was completely overwhelmed with glee and went and hugged Amrit, “Oh, such a big fish! Did I not say we would catch a big fish some day…” Really the fish was unbelievably big. The fish was lying unmoving, tangled in the whole net.

On their way to the road along the bridge, Moina kept chattering away the whole way in glee. Although his mind was filled with satisfaction, not saying anything, Amrit was walking along carrying the fish on his back. When he had lifted the fish onto his back, Moina had wrapped the net loosely around the fish, so that it would be so visible from afar on his brother’s back. So that nobody would directly notice the fish, nor other people’s ill-feelings and jealousy would hurt it.

“Do you know, Brother, I do not remember ever having caught such a big fish. About two years ago, around the time of Magh Bihu, father had caught a fish a little smaller than this one. Everyone thought that fish was very big. I remember selling it then for two hundred rupees by the side of the bridge. A car came and quickly took the fish away.” Moina stopped a little while, then started again, “ In my opinion, even today the fish will be sold immediately. The people prefer fish live fish like this one. They only have to see it.”

Without saying anything, Amrit kept walking. He just had to change sides of the fish on his back a couple of times.

“Maybe I should do one thing,” Moina spoke out automatically. “Let me run through these back yards and give the news to father. He will be very happy to hear that we have caught such a big fish. We were supposed to get some rice from Gohin’s shop today to be paid later. I can tell him not to do that. After selling the fish we can do the shopping on our way back.”

Moina did not wait for Amrit’s response. Walking through the wet fields and the low paddy saplings, Moina ran towards their house. Looking at Moina running through the green fields, Amrit kept walking towards the bridge.

Before he got to the bridge, Moina came and joined him. In his hand was a bag and a ? of thick cloth. Looking for a suitable place near the bridge, he lowered his fish to the ground. The sun had not set yet. A couple of fishermen had already taken their places along the road. Everyone was attracted by Amrit’s fish – really it was very big. Amrit felt a little tired after having put down the fish. He walked down along the little path going down the bridge and washed his hands with water. Sprinkled some water on his eyes and face and then climbed up and took his place near the fish, Moina next to him.

“Did father say something?”

“Father was very happy, He asked us not to waste time in trying to get a higher price – just to get home soon.”

Although a few cars have gone by, Amrit have not really bothered. At some point, the sun disappeared slowly. It was hard to see the fish from the cars. So Amrit held up the fish with the thread through its mouth and began to shake it when cars went by. Along with Amrit's shaking the fish, Moina would cry out, “Fish! Big fish! Live fish!” Cars came and sped away. A couple of cars did approach them, but they wanted only small fish, and now the cars do not seem to stop any more.

Slowly Amrit began to tire of having to lift the fish for every passing car. It was so heavy. Transferring the weight from hand to hand he tried very hard to attract the attention of the cars passing by. But has not been successful till now. Moina was also slowly beginning to dampen. In the middle sometimes Moina had said, "Let me see, this time, let me lift it," and he had lifted it a couple of times. Lifting the big fish somehow and holding it along his chest and stomach when he saw a car approaching, he held it up and started to scream, “Fish, Fish, Fish, Live Fish, Big Fish.” In the brilliant light of the headlights Amrit could clearly see Moina’s hopes and expectations gradually turning to despair and unhappiness. Not knowing what to do, Amrit was burning with anger, sadness, tiredness, indignation…Still he did not give up his efforts. Taking the fish from Moina’s hands, he has once again gone forward towards the light – the artificial light of the mechanical cars. The light that approached him from far away and carried hope with it was crushed by the darkness that followed. “Maybe this time we will succeed.” Again he raises his fish with hope. Again he is enveloped in darkness. Darkness, darkness and darkness. In the end Amrit began to see only the darkness. Even the piercing light of the passing cars seemed like darkness to him. His sadness got converted into disgust for the whole situation. In the end he came to a decision. As it was getting late, he told Moina, “Moina, you wait here a bit, I will go home and come back.”

He ran parting the waters, through the paddy fields he splashed his way towards their house. He was running so fast that the water that he was splashing up had wet his entire body, from head to toe. In one long action he crossed the barrier of their fields. He went and stopped right next to the Kadam tree. He took one more look at the tree, and kneeling down he began to dig the earth as fast as he could. Apart from the sound of the earth that he threw up everything else was still. He did not have to dig too far. He brought out the metallic object wrapped in polythene. He put in the bullets which he had stored inside an old sock, into his waistband. Then, in the same way he leapt over the fence and ran towards the bridge, through the waters of the fields. Although it was an amabasya night, he could feel light being defined through the fire-weapon that was tucked at his waist. Tucked away at his waist, Amrit now had Amrityu Amrit. With grim determination and deep self-confidence arising form his own personal experience, he ran towards the bridge.

He jumped up out of the water and climbed onto the bridge with a leap. On getting on the road he looked once at his brother Moina. In the light of the passing truck he observed Moina’s face, he looked happy and completely thrilled. Seeing Amrit Moina came forward,
“Brother, I sold the fish, at a very good price too.”

(translated from the Asamiya original by Meenaxi Barkotoki on 26.07.09)












Amrityu Amrit

Sibananda Kakoti


The truck stopped at a distance after crossing the bridge. Even though from afar, the flickering lights extending to quite a distance on either side of the bridge on the National Highway, looked like two rows of lamps lit for Deepavali. But when one comes closer one can make out the kerosene-filled foggy atmosphere. With each lamp there were various vessels filled with different kinds of fish. Each of those fishermen waiting for customers in two rows along the National Highway, had a few companions with them. Maybe a brother or a son, or perhaps a fellow fisherman or his assistant. Whenever they saw the headlight of an approaching car, the companions get ready, and a competition would start -- whoever could attract the attention of the passengers in the cars by dangling the fish against the light, was going to have the car stopping by him. And if one could bargain and haggle and sell the fish, their work for the evening was done. Fishing of course, was the only occupation . Most people had a few bighas of land. But those who did not have enough for the whole year from working on the fields would lay a fishing net in a river or a pond. And with the fish trapped in the net, they come to sit at one or the other end of the bridge along the road. With the money they earn from selling fish, the daily expenses of the house are taken care of. Of course when there is no more paddy in the barn, the whole family has to survive on their fish-earnings only.

The truck that went and stopped in the distance could not generate any enthusiasm or attract the attention of the fish-sellers. Normally these truckers never buy fish. And when they buy, they waste a lot of time in haggling and bargaining. Of course since it was getting late in the evening, the number of fish-sellers had also decreased. A few of them had got down to the shallow water and were rinsing their vessels. Only those who had not been able to sell any fish at all were still sitting in their own places.

Everyone noticed that a young boy got off the truck and was coming towards them. There was a small bag hanging on his shoulder. Although they could not make out at first, as he came closer in the light of the lamps they could recognize the boy.

“Is this not our Amrit?” everyone thought in their minds. At this time, casting a look over all the fishermen, he greeted the one next to him and asked, “Dedai, hasn’t my father come here today?”
The man jumped up on his seat and stood up, shocked. Not knowing how to answer him he got startled. Anyway trying to sound normal he said:
“ Probably your father has not come here today. He was here yesterday. May be he is not feeling well.”
Amrit turned and started to walk back. After going a little distance he turned back and asked his Dedai.
“Can one go through the fields, Dedai?”
“ Yes, you can.., but the rains of yesterday have almost filled the fields.” Although Ratneswar tries to speak normally, it looked as if he was being too vague.
He said again, “How will you go through the fields so late in the night. You have come after such a long tome , you will not be able to fathom your way through the water.”
Without giving a reply, he started walking along the road. Amrit began to think, has he been away from the village for so long that he will not be able to make out his way through the fields? Four years is actually not a long time. He had returned today to his village that he left four years ago. For a long time he kept on walking. Suddenly he had the feeling that although he was walking alone, there were many others who were accompanying him. The sound of the rain-water on both banks, the sound of the cicadas, the splashing movements of the fish in the water, the moon that was piercing and shining through the clouds in the sky – he was immersed in the incredulity of the atmosphere. He had seen many hills, forests, fields, and a lot of mud and water in the last four years. He has overcome much. But today's this atmosphere was intensely personal, intensely his own. It was as if he was organically connected to this road, the water, the mud, the fields, the sounds of the birds at night,… the whole surrounding was making him restless. He seems to find peace after a few long breadths. After taking deep breath for some time he sat down on the pile of stones that the PWD had left on the side of the road.

Although it was not too late in the night, by the time he entered the village he had the feeling that it was past midnight. Except for one of two lamps flickering in a few houses, the rest were all asleep. Those were days for working in the fields. After working the whole day in the fields, the whole family goes to sleep early after having dinner. Early the next morning, they would have to go again to the fields. So the village looked ? now. He felt he was entering a known but empty world on entering the village. As if he had already entered home. The village looked much the same. Almost the same. There was no visible signs of change in these last four years. Amrit thought, how long is four years? After walking on for a bit he thought again, four years is not too short for things to change. He came close to the deka -chang where he and his friends used to spend much of their evenings chatting. That chang looked almost as it was. His mind was filled with the memories of his entire childhood and youth which was associated with that chang. Whenever he has a chance, he always feels proud of this chang in this village. It was not just a place for the village young boys to discuss their sexual urges or the gossip of the nearby families. This chang was like an open stage. At various times, with various people, on this chang is discussed politics of the village and of the country, the news of the nation, intimate contacts, contexts of the time, the monsoons, the buffalo fight at Magh Bihu, the robab tengas of winter, pesticides for the fields, the love of Basanti and Moneswar, Bubul’s exams or Rongai’s disease in the neck and many others. After going a little distance, after crossing a few houses, he noticed another chang. This was the first change he saw, another deka chang. That means there are many young boys in the village in the meanwhile. Too many for one chang. Amrit also had a few doubts – was it that the number of young men was growing or was it that everybody was no longer able to sit at one chang. Still changs were very dear to him. He felt like sitting once in that chang, with had so much to do with his personal and intellectual mental development. No, let it be now, it is already very late. There will be enough time later. now that he ahs returned finally back to his village.

After reaching the approach to their house he observed that their house was completely silent. He went in, pushed the door a couple of times and called out naturally, “Father, Father, Are you already asleep?” Not hearing anybody stirring he called out again after a while, “Moina, Moina, Father, are you all asleep?” No being able to figure out what was happening he went by the side of the house to the back. A little away, near the well, there was Moina, washing the dishes scooping out water from a pail. Near him a weakly glowing earthen lamp. He felt bad. When he had left home, his brother Moina was only six or seven years old, now he was ten or eleven. Their mother had died when they were both young. Their father had worked hard all these years and brought up his two sons. Their father Dinanath, spoke very little, almost not at all, only he kept doing his daily tasks systematically, properly. After their mother dies, many of their relatives had put pressure on him to marry again. Their father was young enough to be able to marry again. But for some reason their scanty-worded father did not marry again. And till today did everything for the two boys himself. To talk of sons, the eldest son Amrit was not there these last 4 years. After passing his Higher Secondary exam and getting admitted to the BA classes, he suddenly disappeared one day, and did not come back. The villagers, their father, Moina everyone had expected a lot from Amrit who had done so well in his exams. But once he went, there was no more news of him. Today, after so much time, he has suddenly returned, to his own home. With the flickering lamp next to him, murmuring or reciting something, Moina was washing the dishes. Amrit went forward and stood behind his brother. How to call him. If he sees him suddenly he might be so shocked that he could start screaming. Moina was singing a little prayer song from school, while washing the dishes. He could understand why Moina was singing that song. Giving the example of Mahatma Gandhi their mother had told them to sing prayers in the evening or night when they were afraid – one got strength that way. Moina was immersed in that song while washing that Amrit did not feel like disturbing him. Just then while getting up to draw some water from the well, Moina saw Amrit. Immediately Amrit said to him,
“Moina, don’t be afraid, it is me, me…”
Holding the pail in his hand, Moina kept staring at Amrit for some time, without responding.
“Is it not you elder brother?” full of incredulity, Moina said inside his mouth.
“Yes, it is me.”
Again Moina stood at the side of the well, staring at Moina for some more time. Then suddenly, he asked a very surprising question to Amrit.
“Have you had dinner, brother?”
Amrit was surely surprised. Even the question was irrelevant at this moment, still from the big question Amrit could figure out that Moina had really grown up. Not only grown up, having to manage the household alone with his father, Moina had also become experienced.

They had not yet put water over the left-over rice. On days when one had to go to plough the fields, it was almost a rule in most houses to cook more at one go the previous night and put water over the excess rice. The next day, one took that rice along with chillies, onions, ginger or black lentils as a snack. After keeping a little rice to put water over, Moina served Amrit the remaining rice. While eating, Amrit asked,
I heard Father is unwell, will he be able to go to the fields tomorrow?
If he doesn’t go, who will go? How did you find out?
Near the bridge.
He is not so ill that he cannot go to the fields. He went to bed a little while ago.
Amrit and Moina went to sleep on the same shack. Moina well asleep after a little while. Amrit however was not able to sleep. One could make out that there was sparkling moonlight outside even while being in. Amrit looked at Moina’s face… The poor boy had fallen asleep in exhaustion. He suddenly remembered the words of Ratneswar dedai. After getting off from the truck near the bridge he had asked Ratneswar dedai about his father. But why did his dedai shoot up into standing position from his sitting position the moment he recognised him? Why did he reply to his questions with an excessively polite tone mixed in fear and doubt? The other people in the village also recognised him. Why did they not ask him, Is it not our Bormoina? Is this not the elder son of our Dina?” But nobody asked him anything. On the other hand, along with Ratneswar dedai all of them had stopped trying to sell their fish but had all stood up and were all looking at him, with fear and trepidation. In his restlessness he felt unhappy. He looked at Moina’s face. The tired Moina was probably fast asleep. Moina, who had grown up holding on to his fingers, the Moina who always used to be with him, was so grown up today that he could serve and give him his dinner. He felt a wave of love for Moina. And then he remembered, after seeing him after such a long time, what a strange and surprising question Moina had asked him, “Brother, have you had your dinner?” By reason and context, many other questions should have been the first question. But why did this last question turn into Moina’s first question. Amrit could not wait any longer, he gently touched Moina’s body and called out, “Moina, Moina, are you asleep?”
Moina was half awake. With closed eyes he replied:
“Yes, what happened?” and after a while continued, “Are you not able to sleep?”
“No, but tell me one thing, why did you first of all ask me whether I had eaten or not?”
“Why?”
“You could have also asked me many other questions first?”
“No, just like that. I asked just like that,” Moina who was facing upwards but still had his eyes closed, replied.
“It can never be just like that. You have become very big these days. I know, Moina, you surely asked that question after having thought of something.”
Moina did not reply, just changed sides and keep quiet for a while. After that he began to speak in a grave voice:
“I thought that you would quickly go away somewhere again. That is why I thought that at least you should hurriedly have some food before you leave again.”
Something hammered at Amrit’s chest. For some time he kept lying still like his brother, then turned to face him. Then after lying on his side for a while, he touched his brother who was facing away from him and asked,
“Moina, where did you think I would go?”
“I don’t know. Did you tell us where you were going before you disappeared? You could have told father, at least.”
Amrit understands their sorrow. Without answering, he kept his hand over Moina and kept quiet. Moina was also still. After a while, he pulled into his chest with great force Moina’s back as if to pull Moina’s entire body into his chest, then put his mouth very close to Moina’s ears and told him slowly yet very clearly:
“Moina, I will not go away again. From now on, I will stay here with you all. Forever.”

* * *

While ploughing his field, only one worry completely engrossed Dinanath. In the morning, when they were letting the cows out for the day, Moina had told him the news of Bormoina’s arrival. but it seems he has come back for good. After having shattered many personal hopes and dreams of Dinanath, he has been away for quite a few years. But now, will he be able to live like he did before? “My son will stay with me and help me,” even thinking of that Dinanath stopped startled. No, Dinanath does not want to hope for anything anymore. He can only tell himself, what is destined to happen, will happen. Just then, ploughing in the adjacent field, Sarukon asked him with a shout,
“Is it true, brother, that Bormoina has returned?’
“Yes,” Dinanath replied gravely.
Dinanath was usually very reserved. When he replied in this very grave tone, Sarukon did not have the nerve to discuss the matter further. As the morning progressed, the fields got filled with farmers and ploughmen. To put mud on the earth, plant saplings, to remove the rubbish from the mud, to carry the saplings, or to carry food for the people working on the fields, the field got filled with various people doing different jobs. The news did not take long to spread. In different places, among different groups, there was only discussion about Bormoina. he must be now a strapping young man – the old lady said almost involuntarily. Just then, Champa, who was planting paddy in the nearby plot shouted out:
“Look, there he is, walking along the little path, taking food to his father.”
All eyes stopped at Bormoina. Slowly Amrit approached his father. He left the bundle with the food on the path and looked towards his father. Then he called out once to his father, “Father,” his father did not respond. His father had seen him for the first time when he had stopped on the path. For the first time after many years. His father looked at Amrit’s whole body. Finishing one complete round with the plough, he stopped his cows, and washed his hands with the water in the fields. And started to eat his snack. Amrit could understand why his father had not spoken to him properly. He could fully appreciate the value and place of the accumulated indignation and hurt of such a long time of his father towards his son.
“Are you feeling better, father?” Amrit wanted to talk to his father.
His father answered only with a nod. Amrit understood that his father had replied in this manner only so that he did not have to speak. Because by just looking at his father’s shattered body, he could guess the condition of his health. He looked at his father, who was eating his snack. Without facing him, his father was quietly eating his meal. After staying for a while like that, he went forward towards the cows and touched the plough. “Come on, move,” on saying that the cows began to move in their specified tracks in the muddy water. Although he was out of practice by many years, since it was an old habit, he had no difficulty in carrying on ploughing again.

After finishing his meal, Dinanath kept sitting on the path for some time. He took a good look at his son who was ploughing as he alternately came closer and receded further. Although his health did not look very good, he still had become a young man. And fit. The radiance of youth seemed to glow all around his body in the morning sun. His hold on the furrow, and the firm step on the muddy water – Dinanath did not continue to look. He wiped his mouth with both hands, got up, and without saying a word, took back the plough from his son.

Without speaking, Dinanath made the cows start up again. Till the cows had completed two rounds around the field, Amrit stood there in the same position, in the middle of the field. It seemed as if he was not able to figure out with what eh should try to begin a conversation again with his father. Still, once when his father came close to him, Amrit spoke out, very naturally, “ Father, I have come back.”
Not answering his father kept going, chasing the pair of cows. Amrit waited as he was. After a while his father came and stopped the cows just near Amrit, After dipping his whip in the mud, he looked at Amrit and said,
“Will you be able to stay here, forever? Think about that…”

* * *

Wading through the water in the paddy fields, he reached the path for the cows. His fathers kept ringing in Amrit’s ears. He thought about it again. Really, will he be able to live here forever? Yes, it is true that he has spent many days and nights in the indecisiveness of great fear and hesitation towards the end. For many reasons, this inability to arrive at a decision had cramped all his powers. Amrit also knows this well that the present situation might not be without danger for him in some situations. oh, he stopped after thinking about it for a while. What is the point of thinking so much? He tried to get rid of all unpleasant thoughts by just shaking his head. In front of him a free atmosphere – village, fields, fish, mud, people, father, Moina, in contact with all these, begins a new ? day for Amrit. He stopped for a while under the banyan tree. In the light of the rising sun, the vast open fields look even more open. And scattered across the entire fields are the groups of people working on the fields. He was suddenly reminded of Niru. Niru! Niru is still the same. Without saying anything, without coming to any decision, without making any complaints. He had seen Niru planting paddy when he had taken food for his father. Niru also saw him. Amrit had stopped briefly. For a while Niru had stopped her work and had stared at him, very emotionally. After that, she began to plant her saplings again, in the same unaccusing manner. He cannot ask anyone why Niru is not married yet, why she is waiting, and for whom she is waiting. Even Niru.

On his way to school Ghanashyam Master passed by his side. He called out suddenly, “Uncle?” A little flustered, Ghanashyam got down from his bicycle:
“O this is our Amrit.”
“Yes, are you going to school?”
“ Yes, gosh I am actually late, let me rush.”
Ghanashyam Master quickly got onto his bicycle and hurried away. He stood there and kept looking after Ghanashyam for a while. Till he was out of sight, Ghanashyam did not look back even once.

* * *

Although he had got over to some extent the uneasiness of the first few days it seemed that in almost every situation his presence made things so strange and unnatural that Amrit was beginning to find it unbearable at times. The hidden memories of the past begin to bother him again. Sometimes Amrit feels that in this whole atmosphere he is the undesirable object. These days he has been roaming here and there in the village. Although he has not been able to go from one house to another as he used to in the olden days, he has tried very hard from his side to bring back the intimacy and the easy atmosphere. He understands that it will take a long time to go from one situation to the other. Still this last month his presence has still remained a subject of unrest and uneasiness. Wherever he went it was as if the atmosphere became grave suddenly. A sort of unnatural artificiality descended on the young men sitting on a chang when he happened to pass by, although a moment ago there were happily laughing or seriously discussing the present situation in the country. The little fights and quarrels going on in the Namghar would come to an end instantly as Amrit appeared at the doorway. Amrit tries very hard to ease the situation, he tries to participate in everything, as was his old habit. But now the whole matter is somewhat different. Now when Amrit speaks, the others only listen. But when he wants to listen, almost nobody ever speaks up. And the few who speak do so maintaining an unnatural restraint and a safe distance. He finds it difficult. He would like to argue about certain topics, which they used to do always before. But now everybody seems to agree to whatever he said. He went to a nearby college recently looking for admission forms. Although the last date for submitting the forms was already over, many of the officers including the Principal reassured him with great eagerness and respect that his form would be accepted and that he should not worry.

Still he had begun to carry out his day-to day activities in a way that was in tune with the rest of the village. As his father’s illness had got worse, he had also had to go to plough the fields a few times. When they saw him in the field, the other farmers and field hands would stop singing whatever they were singing – naams, bihu-songs, bongeets or simply verses from the Ghosa. Although he was hurt by this, he still did not give up his efforts to merge with the main flow. In this situation, except for his little brother Moina, he ahs not been able to relax and chat with any one else so far. Only Moina seems to understand him somewhat. Moina was the only shelter for Amrit’s doubts, fears, loneliness and isolation.

He does not have much conversation with his father. After working the whole day in the fields, after eating and resting a little while in the afternoon, the father would go out again with his fishing net in the evening. Over and above helping out in the fields he also goes to help his father fish sometimes. But his reserved father, remained reserved. Except for a few rare words, he preferred to remain silent most of the time. Sometimes Amrit also finds it hard to understand what the matter is. Seeing his father’s grave face he cannot imagine what is really going on in his father’s mind. Sometimes he feels that it is a massive amount of hurt pride and resentment that is accumulated in his father’s mind towards him. Or that his father knows everything about him or nothing at all but has no desire to find out. Still, although he does not speak he can see for sure that his father is not indifferent. He understand that although he keeps quiet, his father is immersed in deep thought.

He understood the matter a little better when one day, a rather big fish got caught in their net. After laying down the net, father and son were slowly tugging from either end of the net. He could make out from the tautness of the net and told Amrit in a low voice, “the fish could be rather big. Hold on tight.” After ten minutes of concentrated tugging, when they finally managed to heave the net up, they could see that there was a huge fish in the net. As soon as it landed on land the fish started to wriggle and struggle to get away. In the time it took them to fold in the net, the fish began to jump from one place to another. Amrit watched his father very closely as he brought this big procedure to an end, even without uttering a single word. He was also observing the movements of the fish and his desperate attempt to break free, and also saw his father single-mindedly making his way closer and closer to the fish and how he caught it with one hand and tried to get it out of the net with the other. Amrit also tried to help his father untangle the net from the fish’s body. This time he father just held on to the fish’s head so that it could not move any more. Amrit kept removing the net from the fish. After a little while the fish was free from the net. Immediately the fish made such a huge swish with his tail that his father was unable to hold on to the fish and the fish fell out. But the experienced hands of this father caught hold of the fish instantly again and this time pressed the fish’s body against the ground. This time the fish could not wriggle out. It began to move, swishing its tail this way and that. After silently watching the fish’s desperate but futile attempts to free itself, Amrit involuntarily cried out, “Ishhh!”

His father looked up at Amrit. Amrit and his father’s eyes met. After so many days it was as if only now did the father see his son properly. Putting a string around the fish’s mouth and tying the ends, Amrit’s father said, “ When I see the fish struggle, even I feel bad these days.” Amrit did not reply. His father started again, “the fish do not who, who is killing them and why. They are just getting trapped in the nets and dying. We people also have become like these fretting fish in these last years – who is killing, why and for what are they killing, when they are killing, we also do not know. We are only dying.”

Amrit gave no reply to his father’s words.

* * *

Before it was even dawn there was a big confusion in the village. The cows which were going to be let out to graze remained as they were, the housewives had only begun to sweet their courtyards with their brooms when the news spread with lightning speed across the whole village. The sounds of whistles filled all directions of the village. From all sides, the police and the military had surrounded the village. Terrified and worried, all the men and women, boys and girls, old and sick, young men and women, everyone came out to the main street of the village. Saying “Hai, chalo, chalo, sab lok chalo, field me chalo,” and whistling furiously they were getting everyone to leave their houses and move towards the school field. From the other end, the old gaobura came almost running. He ahs tried to explain to the people as he came – “This is the government rule, it seems there is some terrorist young man in his area.
They will inspect everyone carefully and then let them go. Don’t worry, they have spoken to me.” The old gaobura kept repeating the same lines over and over again and the people kept moving towards the school field.

Keeping the old men, ladies and little children on one side, they made all the others stand in rows in the school field. The field was surrounded in all sides by armed police and military. Despite the assurance from the gaobura, everyone was terrified. Among the rows of people there was an unnatural stillness. No body had a word on their lips. In the middle of one such row are standing Amrit and Moina, still. Moina was holding on to one finger of Amrit’s hand. Amrit indifferent, Moina curious. A little while later a new Police Maruti van came and stopped at one end of the field. An officer like person spoke into the mike attached to the vehicle as if making an announcement:
“We are sorry to bother you like this. Once we have identified the persons we are looking for in your midst, the rest of you all will be able to get back to your usual routine.” the man repeated the same words one more time. Immediately, from the rear door of the van, two armed guards kicked out two young men who had their eyes and their hands tied. They made them stand at attention, removed the strip from their eyes, and ordered them in a harsh voice, “Look, are they in this lot?” Saying this they asked the two young men to go by the rows of men. The two youths started walking slowly along the rows, along with them two uniformed guards and the police and the army personnel surrounding the field. After a little while their circumbulation came to an end. Meaning that there is no one they know here. They were blindfolded again and raised into the vehicle. One after the other, all the cars disappeared swiftly.

Amrit and Moina neither of them have been able to speak. It was as if both of them were analysing the incident, in their own ways. The people were beginning to go back in groups, either to the fields or back home. Slowly and lazily, Amrit and Moina was also returning. Suddenly Moina asked Amrit, “Elder brother, do you know the boys?”
“No, of course not.”
“Do they know you?”
“Why should they know me?”
After waiting a while, Moina said again,
“No, you must know them.”

* * *

It did not take long for the news to spread from one village to another. Some newspaper people also came to have a look at the area. It seems some dangerous terrorist was hiding in some village in this area. The police and military are looking for him. There has been a search in one or two neighbouring villages.

Despite this whole sequence of events, Amrit is trying to continue to live like usual. He has not given up his efforts to somehow get accepted back into his world. As his father’s illness had worsened, he had also had to take a bigger share of his father’s work.

The land had been planted but Amrit was faced with another problem. The paddy in the barn was almost finished. His father had not been able to go fishing properly, because of his illness. If they did not catch a big fish in the coming days and could sell it for a good price, it was almost certain that they would have to beg for money from someone. These days, his father had almost not been able to get up from his bed. Although they had brought him medicines from the nearby government dispensary, he was not getting better. Moina and Amrit had got terribly worried with this problem. Although Amrit was trying to fight the situation with a strange calm and balance, sometimes he felt emotionally and mentally very weak. It was not just the people from his own village, it was as if the people from the entire area were pointing a finger towards him. It was as if on everyone’s faces were written the allegation, “Just for you we are all having to suffer.” And what was the situation. Was it just that the police and the military came to the village? The biggest impact of this suffocating atmosphere pervading the entire region was felt in the evening fish-market near the bridge – that was the biggest problem. First nobody had noticed it. They did not think it was something serious as even earlier some fish would remain unsold at the end of the day. But slowly more and more fish began to get stale. They had to take the fish the next morning to the neighbouring town or market. “The cars do not stop any more at night. Not only do they not stop, when they come close to the bridge, they go by with much greater speed. Now, slowly everyone was beginning to understand why this was happening – but nobody says anything openly, or cannot say anything openly. Still the people are going fishing, and are sitting close to the bridge, with the hope of being able to sell their fish and the worry of the fish going stale.

According to Moina, is they could catch one big fish then their problems would be solved for at least a few days. They had started the second part of the maths text in school. They would be able to buy that, their father’s medicines and rice for a few days. Since their father has been unable to go every evening. Moina and Amrit take the net and go fishing. Every day Moina has the same hope – one big fish. Although they have fished every day without a break, the inexperienced Amrit has not been able to be successful. He is saddened by Moina and Moina’s expectations. Contrary to Moina’s great expectations, the frustrations of the day’s failures seem to weigh him down. In the evening while returning, Moina does not talk about fish any more. Next day they go out again with the net.

Very slowly Amrit started the pull the net. With a low voice he called out to Moina, “Come, fast”. Moina came close to Amrit disturbing the water as little as he could. His face was lit up with hope. No sound from anyone. Judging from the pull of the net they thought – that must be a big fish. Slowly, with great care, they raised the net to the bank. Moina was completely overwhelmed with glee and went and hugged Amrit, “Oh, such a big fish! Did I not say we would catch a big fish some day…” Really the fish was unbelievably big. The fish was lying unmoving, tangled in the whole net.

On their way to the road along the bridge, Moina kept chattering away the whole way in glee. Although his mind was filled with satisfaction, not saying anything, Amrit was walking along carrying the fish on his back. When he had lifted the fish onto his back, Moina had wrapped the net loosely around the fish, so that it would be so visible from afar on his brother’s back. So that nobody would directly notice the fish, nor other people’s ill-feelings and jealousy would hurt it.

“Do you know, Brother, I do not remember ever having caught such a big fish. About two years ago, around the time of Magh Bihu, father had caught a fish a little smaller than this one. Everyone thought that fish was very big. I remember selling it then for two hundred rupees by the side of the bridge. A car came and quickly took the fish away.” Moina stopped a little while, then started again, “ In my opinion, even today the fish will be sold immediately. The people prefer fish live fish like this one. They only have to see it.”

Without saying anything, Amrit kept walking. He just had to change sides of the fish on his back a couple of times.

“Maybe I should do one thing,” Moina spoke out automatically. “Let me run through these back yards and give the news to father. He will be very happy to hear that we have caught such a big fish. We were supposed to get some rice from Gohin’s shop today to be paid later. I can tell him not to do that. After selling the fish we can do the shopping on our way back.”

Moina did not wait for Amrit’s response. Walking through the wet fields and the low paddy saplings, Moina ran towards their house. Looking at Moina running through the green fields, Amrit kept walking towards the bridge.

Before he got to the bridge, Moina came and joined him. In his hand was a bag and a ? of thick cloth. Looking for a suitable place near the bridge, he lowered his fish to the ground. The sun had not set yet. A couple of fishermen had already taken their places along the road. Everyone was attracted by Amrit’s fish – really it was very big. Amrit felt a little tired after having put down the fish. He walked down along the little path going down the bridge and washed his hands with water. Sprinkled some water on his eyes and face and then climbed up and took his place near the fish, Moina next to him.

“Did father say something?”

“Father was very happy, He asked us not to waste time in trying to get a higher price – just to get home soon.”

Although a few cars have gone by, Amrit have not really bothered. At some point, the sun disappeared slowly. It was hard to see the fish from the cars. So Amrit held up the fish with the thread through its mouth and began to shake it when cars went by. Along with Amrit's shaking the fish, Moina would cry out, “Fish! Big fish! Live fish!” Cars came and sped away. A couple of cars did approach them, but they wanted only small fish, and now the cars do not seem to stop any more.

Slowly Amrit began to tire of having to lift the fish for every passing car. It was so heavy. Transferring the weight from hand to hand he tried very hard to attract the attention of the cars passing by. But has not been successful till now. Moina was also slowly beginning to dampen. In the middle sometimes Moina had said, "Let me see, this time, let me lift it," and he had lifted it a couple of times. Lifting the big fish somehow and holding it along his chest and stomach when he saw a car approaching, he held it up and started to scream, “Fish, Fish, Fish, Live Fish, Big Fish.” In the brilliant light of the headlights Amrit could clearly see Moina’s hopes and expectations gradually turning to despair and unhappiness. Not knowing what to do, Amrit was burning with anger, sadness, tiredness, indignation…Still he did not give up his efforts. Taking the fish from Moina’s hands, he has once again gone forward towards the light – the artificial light of the mechanical cars. The light that approached him from far away and carried hope with it was crushed by the darkness that followed. “Maybe this time we will succeed.” Again he raises his fish with hope. Again he is enveloped in darkness. Darkness, darkness and darkness. In the end Amrit began to see only the darkness. Even the piercing light of the passing cars seemed like darkness to him. His sadness got converted into disgust for the whole situation. In the end he came to a decision. As it was getting late, he told Moina, “Moina, you wait here a bit, I will go home and come back.”

He ran parting the waters, through the paddy fields he splashed his way towards their house. He was running so fast that the water that he was splashing up had wet his entire body, from head to toe. In one long action he crossed the barrier of their fields. He went and stopped right next to the Kadam tree. He took one more look at the tree, and kneeling down he began to dig the earth as fast as he could. Apart from the sound of the earth that he threw up everything else was still. He did not have to dig too far. He brought out the metallic object wrapped in polythene. He put in the bullets which he had stored inside an old sock, into his waistband. Then, in the same way he leapt over the fence and ran towards the bridge, through the waters of the fields. Although it was an amabasya night, he could feel light being defined through the fire-weapon that was tucked at his waist. Tucked away at his waist, Amrit now had Amrityu Amrit. With grim determination and deep self-confidence arising form his own personal experience, he ran towards the bridge.

He jumped up out of the water and climbed onto the bridge with a leap. On getting on the road he looked once at his brother Moina. In the light of the passing truck he observed Moina’s face, he looked happy and completely thrilled. Seeing Amrit Moina came forward,
“Brother, I sold the fish, at a very good price too.”

(translated from the Asamiya original by Meenaxi Barkotoki on 26.07.09)